I believed “sex toys” for gay men stopped at dildos and prostate stimulators, and I did not consider them legitimate sex play all on their own.

This was my initial understanding of toys: They were ass-trainers, a second-hand way of experiencing the “real thing,” and no matter how nice they were, they were inferior to flesh and blood. We all quickly discovered sex via the glowing orange icons on our phones. I started college a few months after Grindr hit the app store. “I go at my own speed so that when the real thing comes, I’m ready.” “It helps you get used to the feeling,” one guy told me in his dorm room. I was a freshman in college, brand new to sex, and all my friends, left and right, were exploring their anal pleasures with dildos.

I’ll be honest guys, I did not enjoy sex toys when I first came on the scene.